Wishes are for little kids and fairy tales...

I talked to the guy i love last night. Things were pretty rough. We were happily together once, but that was short lived thanks to yours truely. He was and is my everything, but i broke his heart. How do you fix something like that? especially when he wants nothing to do with you because you ruined his life. I miss him. So much. I miss the way he looked at me, like there was noone else around. I miss how he took my hand, like he could feel my soul through it. I miss the way he talked to me, like i was the only person on the planet who mattered at all.
I wanted him to change. I needed him to be happier and more spiritual. I needed him to be so many things that i didn't realise what he already was. I didn't realise how vital he was to my being. He seems happy now though. I guess being away from the heartbreaker will do that to you. He believes in God now. Thats something he never did before. He tells me to have faith that i will find somebody. But i dont want anyone else. I want him. I NEED him.
Now look at this. He is fine, living his life, doing what he feels is right. And i am falling to pieces. How does that happen? How could i be so sure about myself and who i am one minute and then so broken and unfixable the next? How did i lose it? What was my breaking point? Losing him, and realising for the first time how perfect he really is. That was it. Thats what broke me.
He doesn't love me anymore. I guess thats what i get huh? I broke him and now its my turn to be broken. I just wish things could go back to the way they used to be. I wish i could stop messing up my life, and the lives of others. I wish my life would just fix itself already. I wish he would love me back. but wishes are for little kids, and fairy tales. Real life doesn't work that way and i suppose i need to just get used to that.