I ditched school on Friday, due to a mental breakdown the size of Canada on Thursday. I spent most of the weekend smoking my life away through a cancer stick, but i loved every minute of my sulking. Losing someone is hard, but getting over them is even harder. My mom is shrinking me on the 20th i think thats this Thursday. It will be nice to talk to someone besides my mom for a change.
Besides the one who has me crying 24/7, there are two other men in my life. One of them wants me to be happy so bad he is willing to give me up if thats what it takes, and the other well, I'm not sure what he really wants. Me, I know he wants me, but I dont know what I want. I want to be happy, whatever that takes. I want to be loved and in love. I want top know that everything will be ok, and i want to believe that.
I walked and talked with my mom pretty much al weekend. I feel bad, she wants to help me so bad, but she doesn't know how. I wish i knew what to tell her. I wish i knew how she could help me. I mean all weekend she just sat across the table looking at me while i cried. I didn't want her to see me that way, but she refused to let me be alone. I texted him. Asked him to pray for me. He said he would, and that was it. I don't understand why i cant just stop texting him. I don't know why i have to make such a fool out of myself, but it's like i cant stop. And even though he isn't texting back i have to try. I feel so stupid.
........ So, what now? Where do I go from here?... I go... wait... i have a text............ its not from him.
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